I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
