Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
