just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
