Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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