I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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