one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
