dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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