just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
