U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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