Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize