On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
