The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
