She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
