Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
