and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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