i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
did you just send me my own nude
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
