i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
actually, I'm a sock model
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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