just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
