I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
