there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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