GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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