I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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