Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think I died a long time ago.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
