i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
