Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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