There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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