why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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