is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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