I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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