i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize