if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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