Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
