Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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