So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
