Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
