oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
