do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just google imaged poop.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
