so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
