So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
