Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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