bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
