I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
