you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
