Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
