very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
