I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
