I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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