omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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