im about as happy as oj after his trial
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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