I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
