The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
