Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Of course I have a pirate flag
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
