i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
