Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize