There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
