dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
