Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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