bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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