but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
