My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
