I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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