he wants to bone in the snuggie
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize