im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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