tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
