Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
