College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
