Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
