You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
