brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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