LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
