Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Found the puke drawer
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
