so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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