well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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