How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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